Married To An Unbeliever (or Disobedient Christian Husband)
Greetings sisters in Christ!
I pray you are doing well and striving in the truth. Brother Jim asked that I would do this post as an encouragement for those of you who are in this situation. We thought I'd done one in the past but apparently not, and this is very important.
This passage shows godly women how to deal with a husband that is an unbeliever (does not claim Christ) or a husband that does claim to be of Christ but is disobedient to the Word. I want to point out that we godly women are to obey / submit to husbands in all things (Colossians 3 and Ephesians 5) but we are NEVER to join in their sin.
Let's look at verse 1 and see how we are to deal with a husband who is disobedient to the Word. Do we preach the Word to him, chastise him, constantly tell him his errors? No...it says they are to be won by the conversation (life actions, conduct, behavior) of the wife WITHOUT the word.
If you look up the greek word for 'without' you see it is 'aneu' which means 'without, without one's will or intervention'. Women tend to intervene in their husband's lives in many ways and one is to talk, talk, talk, talk...and keep doing so until we influence our husband.
And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life
Genesis 3:17
We also see it here:
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Proverbs 27:15
This also.
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Proverbs 21:9
And another one:
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Proverbs 21:19
At a glance, these verses might make a woman claim 'I'm not brawling or constantly nagging (dropping)' but that might be what the man perceives when a woman repeatedly informs him on something he is not willing to do, even if she does it in a nice way.
Let's look at 1 Peter 3 again:
they also may WITHOUT the word be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Vs 1 and 2
This is a clear command for a godly woman to win her husband WITHOUT the Word of God (or her words) and goes right in line with the meek and quiet spirit she is to have (vs 3) being obedient and submitting to her husband (not in sin) as per Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3.
Going back to the definition of 'without' we see that is also includes without 'intervention'. Women intervene in many areas they shouldn't. Even when a husband asks her opinion on something, she should carefully weigh her answer because she may sway / influence her husband in a way he should not go.
God's Word is true sisters. I have evidence in my life as well as testimonies of other sisters throughout the years, that if wives practiced that meek and quiet spirit more often, God can work with husbands. (We're not intervening.) Our prayers are more powerful than our words, as we can see in the admonishment of God's Word that the lack of our words is a better way to win husbands.
James 5:16 says the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Now let's move on to 'how' does a godly woman live for Christ with a man who is disobedient to the Word? She simply continues obediently to live for Christ and her husband will enjoy the benefits of that. If her husband is practicing sin, she is to avoid it (kindly and briefly explaining why if he asks her for a reason) and then continue being a kind submissive wife in all other areas.
As we continue reading through 1 Peter 3:3 we are told not to try winning our husbands with doing our hair, putting on adornments or using our clothing as a way to draw or entice him. What should draw him is our adornment of the hidden man of the heart (vs 4) with a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price.
Continue reading vs 5-6 we see examples of Sarah obeying Abraham (whose daughters we are as long as we do well) and they adorned themselves by being in subjection under their husband. That's how we adorn ourselves, from the inside which he will see outside. We are NOT to adorn our outsides.
Trust is very important as we see in vs 5 'holy women of old who trusted in God'. And then vs 6 it says 'and are not afraid with any amazement.'
Godly women must trust in God without any fear, having a meek and quiet spirit, adorning ourselves from the inside and subjecting themselves to our husbands. (Not joining in on sin.)
Keep all this in mind as we look at the headship order of man being in authority over woman and woman being created to be a helper to man. If we turn the tables and briefly look at a godly man who lives with a woman disobedient to the Word (unbeliever or disobedient), he has much power and authority in his house. I won't go into the details but we clearly see a definitive distinction in that the man is to rule his house and a woman is to be more quiet. This should be a relief to some women who thought it was their job or role to be leading their husband in the ways of God when they are to focus on their own faith life and allow God to work in his.
This obviously will cause separation in areas and potentially cause issues but we were warned of that in the Word, as part of our life in Christ.
We pray that you all stand strong in the Lord through all trials of life.
Love in Christ,
Sister Deb
I pray you are doing well and striving in the truth. Brother Jim asked that I would do this post as an encouragement for those of you who are in this situation. We thought I'd done one in the past but apparently not, and this is very important.
1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Peter 3:1-6This passage shows godly women how to deal with a husband that is an unbeliever (does not claim Christ) or a husband that does claim to be of Christ but is disobedient to the Word. I want to point out that we godly women are to obey / submit to husbands in all things (Colossians 3 and Ephesians 5) but we are NEVER to join in their sin.
Let's look at verse 1 and see how we are to deal with a husband who is disobedient to the Word. Do we preach the Word to him, chastise him, constantly tell him his errors? No...it says they are to be won by the conversation (life actions, conduct, behavior) of the wife WITHOUT the word.
If you look up the greek word for 'without' you see it is 'aneu' which means 'without, without one's will or intervention'. Women tend to intervene in their husband's lives in many ways and one is to talk, talk, talk, talk...and keep doing so until we influence our husband.
And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life
Genesis 3:17
We also see it here:
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Proverbs 27:15
This also.
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Proverbs 21:9
And another one:
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Proverbs 21:19
At a glance, these verses might make a woman claim 'I'm not brawling or constantly nagging (dropping)' but that might be what the man perceives when a woman repeatedly informs him on something he is not willing to do, even if she does it in a nice way.
Let's look at 1 Peter 3 again:
they also may WITHOUT the word be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Vs 1 and 2
This is a clear command for a godly woman to win her husband WITHOUT the Word of God (or her words) and goes right in line with the meek and quiet spirit she is to have (vs 3) being obedient and submitting to her husband (not in sin) as per Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3.
Going back to the definition of 'without' we see that is also includes without 'intervention'. Women intervene in many areas they shouldn't. Even when a husband asks her opinion on something, she should carefully weigh her answer because she may sway / influence her husband in a way he should not go.
God's Word is true sisters. I have evidence in my life as well as testimonies of other sisters throughout the years, that if wives practiced that meek and quiet spirit more often, God can work with husbands. (We're not intervening.) Our prayers are more powerful than our words, as we can see in the admonishment of God's Word that the lack of our words is a better way to win husbands.
James 5:16 says the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Now let's move on to 'how' does a godly woman live for Christ with a man who is disobedient to the Word? She simply continues obediently to live for Christ and her husband will enjoy the benefits of that. If her husband is practicing sin, she is to avoid it (kindly and briefly explaining why if he asks her for a reason) and then continue being a kind submissive wife in all other areas.
As we continue reading through 1 Peter 3:3 we are told not to try winning our husbands with doing our hair, putting on adornments or using our clothing as a way to draw or entice him. What should draw him is our adornment of the hidden man of the heart (vs 4) with a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price.
Continue reading vs 5-6 we see examples of Sarah obeying Abraham (whose daughters we are as long as we do well) and they adorned themselves by being in subjection under their husband. That's how we adorn ourselves, from the inside which he will see outside. We are NOT to adorn our outsides.
Trust is very important as we see in vs 5 'holy women of old who trusted in God'. And then vs 6 it says 'and are not afraid with any amazement.'
Godly women must trust in God without any fear, having a meek and quiet spirit, adorning ourselves from the inside and subjecting themselves to our husbands. (Not joining in on sin.)
Keep all this in mind as we look at the headship order of man being in authority over woman and woman being created to be a helper to man. If we turn the tables and briefly look at a godly man who lives with a woman disobedient to the Word (unbeliever or disobedient), he has much power and authority in his house. I won't go into the details but we clearly see a definitive distinction in that the man is to rule his house and a woman is to be more quiet. This should be a relief to some women who thought it was their job or role to be leading their husband in the ways of God when they are to focus on their own faith life and allow God to work in his.
This obviously will cause separation in areas and potentially cause issues but we were warned of that in the Word, as part of our life in Christ.
(a rose from a saint across the ocean.)
Love in Christ,
Sister Deb
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